The Celebrity Food Chain and Pig-Face

The world of celebrity gossip—and blogging, in particular—reminds me
of the food chain that our universe is governed by. Everyone has their
place: from the top-feeding celebs to the slimy little bottom feeders like
Pig-face here.

At the very top is the HUMAN MAMMAL—or the mighty celebrities that
Pig-face likes to mock yet secretly envies, such as LindsayLo and Fergie.

Right below them, is the ubiquitous "rep," such as Eliott Mintz (Paris Hilton's
shadow) who serves as the main link from the outside world to the inside world
of the celebrity. Below him are legitimate celebrity magazine, such as People, who
buy their photos from the next group on the food chain, photo agencies like TMZ
and Splash. Their teams of "paps" stalk celebrities under the excuse of "it's their job."

Finally, on the very bottom of the celebrity ocean, in a dark layer of life where few
creatures dare to dwell, sits Pig-face. Quick, the big fish are swarming around you,
Pig-face! Hide under that algae leaf or ocean brine.

The awesome illustration at the top provided by my trusty art director, PablaPicassa