FuckPerezHilton

Piggie Face got Slap Chopped (and we're all laughing)

2009-06-23T17:23:00.000-07:00

Oh boy, has it been a while. The fact that I haven't posted is only because Piggie Face has become too much of a redundant bore to even warrant discussing. However, a recent event has compelled me to return with a few words of wisdom.

As most of you who follow the 'bloids (that's tabloids, to the uninitiated) know, Piggie Face Hilton got a beat down from someone in the black eyed peas crew. At last!

I quietly chuckled to myself when I heard the news, because DUH! who didn't see this one coming. As any pussy would do, Piggie didn't fight back and instead cowered and ran away like a little girl.

It's interesting to observe how the media has been responding to this. No one and I mean NO ONE seems to have any sympathy for Piggsie Pig. He has alienated anyone and everyone that had previously been on his side, including GLAAD. As an openly gay man, you have to be one serious fuck-up to actually upset GLAAD. Because if it wasn't for organizations like GLAAD, Piggie face would still be in the closet, that I guarantee.

It's time that this little schmuck finally got properly bullied. I'm sure it's all giving him vivid flashbacks to High School, where he definitely sat on the short bus.

Here's an awesome pic of Piggie face cowering from his blows like a little bitch. Viva La Revenge!

Unknown Pig-Face

2007-03-27T08:43:00.000-07:00

The laugh riot that is Pig-face continues, as he becomes the world's most popular unidentified nobody.

Behold the curse of the "unknown guest" -- stand too close to him and his nobodyness will rub off on you!

Pig-face, the loud and so 1999 bright pink hair will not make it any easier for wireimage to recognize you and i.d. you. Besides, we heard it smells, like the rest of you (more on that topic later).

UNKNOWN GUEST, Pt. 2

2007-01-22T16:01:00.000-08:00

Who's that chunky Pig-face in the pics? We don't know, we'll never know! Wireimage won't reveal the identity of this nobody. Does Pig-face know, when he's mugging for the Wireimage cameras at Sundance, that he will be credited as an "unknown" -- just a face in the crowd, "some dude"? I bet he don't. He thinks he's special. Nuh-uh! Not you, Pig-face. You're just a pathetic blogger who got infamy for calling celebrities nasty names and revealing "breaking news." All the information on your website is hearsay, just like all other blogs, until it's officially confirmed on People.com. You are just a rumour spreader, Pig-face!

Pig-face: Wireimage.com's "Unknown Guest" of the Century!

2007-01-14T00:28:00.000-08:00

Hey gang,

This is just too funny! Wireimage.com -- perhaps the biggest, most established celebrity online photo agency -- obviously does not like Pig-face. So much so that in every single picture that he has appeared in for the past year or so, he is always captioned as "unknown guest." You just have to laugh at the sheer embarassment. Just go on wireimage, folks, and type "unknown guest" in the search bar. Guess who's the ONLY person that comes in the search -- that's right our much behated Pig-face!

And what an apt caption for him -- once a nobody, always a nobody, no matter how hard he tries.

Above is just a selection of images from wire of our favorite "unknown guest" -- he's on 2 pages of photos, and in EVERY SINGLE ONE, without exception, he is not credited with a name. Just a nameless, sad, little loser Pig-face, trying to blend in with the famous people he envies so relentlessly.

How to draw a Pig-face

2006-12-26T01:06:00.000-08:00

Galleryoftheabsurd.com — an always hilarious site to navigate, thanks to its very talented artist/owner—has posted this awesome image of icky Piggy-face. It's becoming very evident to me that all the intelligent, genuinely talented people of the blogging world, including readers and creators, feel the same way about Pig-face as I do.

*By the way, someone has noted that my reference to piggies in Pig-face's nickname is an insult to the animal -- and while I love piggies and think they are wonderful, cute creatures, the fact remains that a pig's face looks attractive only on a pig, not a human. Pig-face here, unfortunately for him (fortunately for us), has been cursed with a fat, pink face eerily resembling a pig's. And there's nothing "cute" about that.

The Celebrity Food Chain and Pig-Face

2006-11-16T16:50:00.000-08:00

The world of celebrity gossip—and blogging, in particular—reminds me
of the food chain that our universe is governed by. Everyone has their
place: from the top-feeding celebs to the slimy little bottom feeders like
Pig-face here.

At the very top is the HUMAN MAMMAL—or the mighty celebrities that
Pig-face likes to mock yet secretly envies, such as LindsayLo and Fergie.

Right below them, is the ubiquitous "rep," such as Eliott Mintz (Paris Hilton's
shadow) who serves as the main link from the outside world to the inside world
of the celebrity. Below him are legitimate celebrity magazine, such as People, who
buy their photos from the next group on the food chain, photo agencies like TMZ
and Splash. Their teams of "paps" stalk celebrities under the excuse of "it's their job."

Finally, on the very bottom of the celebrity ocean, in a dark layer of life where few
creatures dare to dwell, sits Pig-face. Quick, the big fish are swarming around you,
Pig-face! Hide under that algae leaf or ocean brine.

The awesome illustration at the top provided by my trusty art director, PablaPicassa

Back to Pig-face business

2006-11-08T19:37:00.000-08:00

Well, folks, don't think I forgot about Pig-face. In fact, I've got something real special cookin' up that is sure to put a smile on your Pig-face hating faces. The truth is, unlike Pig-face, I have non-blogging life and career related matters to tend to that simply take precedent. For Pig-face, as we all know, no such precedents exist: his sordid life revolves around stealing photos, reporting old news that's already been done in People and TMZ, being confused about his identity, staying busy outing gay celebrities in hopes that it might elevate his own self-hating, mixed-up self-esteem...and so forth.

And to those Pig-face lovers who keep peeking over here and declaring their undying love of the Ovaweight Lova, I can only say: My sympathies, truly.

Special Halloween Edition: Pig-face meets Pinhead

2006-10-31T16:55:00.000-08:00

If this creature comes to your door asking for "treats" (translation: "tina," money, credit cards, checks), run as fast as you can. Let's keep him in the parallel dimension of the third gate of the Cenobite kingdom where he belongs. Happy Halloween!

Time to Pay Up, Pig-Face!

2006-10-27T15:39:00.000-07:00

Ok, folks, take a look at the face of a thief. There is nothing worse than having your shit stolen, recycled, and not credited. But that's what Pig-face aka the "Gossip WANKSTA" does every day and has been doing for more than a year! It is theft, because his "website" —more like 'wacksite'—pulls in $8,000 an ad! Thus, the photos he steals are used for commercial gain—HIS and his only!

Every photo agency he steals from —x17, splash, wireimage, etc. —charges at least $150 a photo for U.S. rights. So do the math: He has stolen over $15,000 in photos! He thinks it's "okay" because other bloggers do it. That's like saying it's "okay" to eat people because other cannibals do it. There's just no rhyme to Pig-face's reason!

This is what everyone who has had their images stolen by Pig-o should do: Send an invoice to his home address (easy to find: just type in his real name into zabasearch.com) and send him a bill. Tell him if he doesn't pay up for use of your photos within 30 days, you will file a claim against him.

Pig-face: Guilty as charged!

(photo credits for Pig-face n/a)

WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM ??!! File under: Icky, icky poo

2006-10-26T16:29:00.000-07:00

Ok, we all know that Pig-face has always been homely, greasy, and highly unattractive —with a jaw like a hippo's, the nose of a wild boar and a serious water head, what can one expect? Lately, though, things have gotten really bad. Not only does he look like he has downs, but there must be at least 230 pounds on that frame. Medically-speaking, he is obese. Seriously, he looks EMBARASSING. All that sitting on his ass, blogging with his calloused fingers about the exciting lives of the celebs he envies has done serious damage to his already damaged face and "body."

I wish I could say that a little "Dr. 90210" would do him good, but there's no hope for this thing. I mean, he's even gotten nasty, pudgy little girly-hands. WOW.

My friend made this hilarious collage of the obese Pig-face and the once clearly-weight-obsessed-starving Pig-face. More images of Pig-face in his current, morbidly obese stage to come in the next post. Enjoy!

(photo of Pig-face on the left by Caroline Torem-Craig; right photo credit n/a)

Pig-face Perez responds

2006-10-25T15:49:00.000-07:00

After Pig-face said that Lindsay Lohan is getting "fat," I sent him an email. He replied with a series of extremely bland, but still very spiteful, shameless thoughts. Clearly, Pig-face has a small soul, shallow character and some weird hate for women.

Now tell me, people: Is this not the sign of a sociopath-in-the-making? I start with my email to him; his response follows.

On 10/25/06, S B <> wrote:

I shudder to think that you will actually stand by that comment. Remember when Sebastian Bach from Skid Row wore a shirt that said "AIDS kills fags dead" just because he thought he could and didn't care about how "sensitive" other people were about the issue? Remember how that killed his career? Comments like Lindsay Lohan being "fat" will kill your -- dare I say it -- "career," and I use the term loosely. Encouraging eating disorders is beyond taboo, it is beyond homophobia and racism -- it is literally encouraging someone to kill themselves, because eating disorders kill. And that's exactly what you just did. You know, Perez, I thought you were actually someone with sensitivity -- I remember reading a post from you months ago, before your site blew up, in which you described a miserable, depressed, possibly suicidal existence pre-blogging and how you managed to crawl out of it. It was a long, teary post, and you sounded genuinely thankful. What happened to you? Now, I just see someone who is so overwhelmed with some kind of pent-up anger and mind-blowing envy of the celebrities you hatefully trash. You need to retract that post about Lindsay, apologize for it, tell people that you -- although insane and out-of-control -- are still rational enough to understand that there is nothing funny about eating disorders. Do it or you will forever be scum, insensitive scum, in many peoples' books.

From :	Perez Hilton
Sent :	Wednesday, October 25, 2006 6:59 PM
To :	"" <@hotmail.com>
Subject :	Re: Your "fat" Lindsay post

Inbox

I will not retract it. I love that post. I aimed to shock and be controversial and get a lot of comments on the post. And it worked. xoxo POn 10/25/06, <> wrote:

Ah, I see. You know what will be shocking? When you start looking at your hits and seeing them plummet. It may not happen overnight, but Perez, the laws of empty celebrity dictate that they will plummet eventually. And you will plummet with them. Look at what just happened: You turned someone -- me-- from a fan into a hater literally in a second. Are you realizing at all, somewhere in the crevices of your big head, that you have just done the same thing to thousands of other former visitors to your site? Remember when Sinead O'Connor ripped the Pope's picture on SNL -- that was really controversial, and boy were people talking. Then, they started smashing her records, then booing her, and then eventually she became a pop culture cast-off and has remained that way since. Some things people just don't forgive. I don't think people are going to forgive you, Perez. Think about that. RIP Perez Hilton

From :	Perez Hilton
Sent :	Wednesday, October 25, 2006 7:23 PM
To :	"" <@hotmail.com>
Subject :	Re: Re: Your "fat" Lindsay post

Inbox

I've posted worse things. And I will continue to do so. People should know what to expect. xoxo POn 10/25/06, <> wrote:

Exactly. People now know what to expect, and that's why they will stop visiting your site. You said that right on the money! People will leave you. Isn't that funny? Yeah, life is funny that way. One day they love you, the next they leave you. It's just so amazing to me, so sad really, that you still can't understand why it's so wrong, so horribly wrong, immoral to say that a thin girl should be even thinner. Especially a girl who's had weight issues in the past. The fact that it's shocking and controversial is beside the point -- it's wrong, it's incredibly immoral, horribly stupid, and those kinds of statements should be punished. Like I said, your punishment will be your fans abandoning you. A lyric from Lauryn Hill applies well in this situation: "And if you don't change then the rain soon come See you might win some but you just lost one"

From :	Perez Hilton
Sent :	Wednesday, October 25, 2006 7:54 PM
To :	"" <@hotmail.com>
Subject :	Re: Re: Re: Your "fat" Lindsay post

Inbox

I don't really care if people who don't appreciate my humor don't visit my site. xoxo P

Boycott Perez Hilton

2006-10-25T15:40:00.000-07:00

To all those who have lately been really digusted and offended by what this Perez fool has been saying about people on his site:

Fuck him! Don't visit his site. Boycott it! The only way you can get him to care is to ignore him! Don't post comments on his site, post them here! Discuss here!

I had an email conversation with him today, in which he revealed just what an immoral moron he really is -- even worse than he portrays himself on his blog. Read it in a second.